No on Hate
Posted on | October 28, 2008 | 2 Comments
You know, it’s weird that they’re predicting California to go overwhelmingly for Obama and yet there’s growing fear that Proposition 8 will pass. Living in San Francisco–though well aware of the makeup of the rest of this state–I have been thinking that the defeat of 8 was a given. I am personally indifferent toward marriage–that so-called “sacred” institution that more than 50% of straight people in this country will violate by divorcing– but given that I’m witnessing my sisters-in-laws’ marriage this Saturday (for the second time) I just cannot imagine wanting to legislate against someone else’s rights. For what purpose? Why is it so hard to acknowledge and respect that there are people in the world who are different from you? With one week left, I implore all of you voters:
Arizona – Vote “NO” on Prop. 102
California – Vote “NO” on Prop. 8
Florida – Vote “NO” on Amendment 2
Last week I also received this beautiful message from other friends who are getting married, and they put it better than I could:
We, Indigo & Donna, are pleased to announce that we are getting legally married-again! As you may already know, we have been together for 18 years, are domestic partners, & made our first attempt at legal marriage in 2004 when the City of San Francisco began to marry same-sex couples. Those marriages were soon after declared invalid. But we have been given a second chance: on May 15, 2008, the California Supreme Court ruled that the fundamental right to marry extends to all couples.
Traditionally, it seems, couples use their weddings to mark a significant moment in their relationship, sort of a ritualized tipping point of love and commitment between two people. Often, too, legal marriage is used as a way to give external structure and social legitimacy to a relationship.
As we have often repeated: if we needed legal & societal approval in order to sustain our commitment to each other, we would certainly have broken up long ago. So our wedding marks a different kind of tipping point: a moment of political & cultural significance-nothing less than a watershed between love and hate. The fact of our marriage signals this moment in history, when the State of California has reached a new level of commitment to us, the moment at which we are no longer seen as second-class citizens or as perverted, threatening monsters, but as legitimate, adult human beings capable of true love & deserving of equality under the law.
Our wedding, then, is a celebration not just of our relationship with each other, but of our evolving relationship to society, culture, and our home state of California. We would like to believe that we are entering a new era of love.
However, hate is fighting back. Hate has given us a deadline of November 4th, after which we might not be able to marry. CA Proposition 8, if passed, would change the California Constitution to ban marriage for same-sex couples. Our right to marry would be taken away again, and the concept of treating citizens in unequal ways would be written into the state constitution. As California goes, so goes the nation: the haters have their sights set on a federal, Constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. This is just one step in a long struggle between equality & inequality. 43 states already ban same-sex marriage, & we remain invisible under federal law, which withholds from us over 1000 rights enjoyed by heterosexual couples.
We are throwing our weight on the side of love, and will be married on October 29 in the aptly-named Victory Garden outside San Francisco City Hall. Due to the short timing, it will be a 3-minute, get-it-done shotgun ceremony, and we are postponing the big party until such time as we can plan properly. Cake can wait; the law may not. On that note, instead of wedding gifts we are asking that you support the No on Prop 8 campaign, either by donating money, volunteering time, &/or convincing the California voters in your life to STOP THE HATE, VOTE NO ON 8!
Donna & Indigo
NO on Prop 8: http://www.noonprop8.com/
FAQ about same-sex marriage: http://www.hrc.org/issues/5517.htm
map of marriage prohibitions: http://www.hrc.org/documents/marriage_prohibitions.pdf
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November 6th, 2008 @ 2:16 pm
I’m a longtime fan of yours who has a lot of respect for you and the work you do.
I just wanted to say how much it saddened me that Proposition 8 has been passed.That news completely blunted my joy over Obama’s victory. I’m still in disbelief about this step backwards for the GLBTQ community, for Californians and Americans in general. I will never understand the malicious ignorance and hatred of people who want to be free and happy themselves but would begrudge others their right to freedom and happiness.
In spite of this setback, I do hope, in the same way that we could not imagine a black President of the United States in our lifetime but we now have one, that in our lifetime we too will see equal rights and protection under the law for the GLBTQ community, not just in California but throughout the USA.
November 6th, 2008 @ 4:31 pm
Thanks so much for your note. Today I’m feeling angry about it–it really does make the larger victory–and I can recognize that it is a larger victory–feel hollow in many ways, because that victory will assure those who also voted to legislate discrimination that they did the right thing. Although I’m a lesbian in California, it isn’t even personal–my partner and I didn’t marry–but I just feel sickened for the loss of rights for all of those people who did make that choice, only to have their neighbors, co-workers, family, and friends decide they shouldn’t have that right.