c.r.e.a.m.
So the reason I came across Mara Verna (see below) is that I have been thinking a lot about selling my photographs, about getting to a certain age and wanting a house, retirement, vacations, money to give away, shoes, etc., (this is what happens when you turn 40) and I remembered a citation that someone had written about my photographic work:
Williams creates “mirrored” images in her work; she specializes in photographing nude self-portraits.While deliberately avoiding what she views as the capitalist, exploitative space of the gallery, Williams produces these intimate images for her own private consumption, although she shares her work occasionally and mostly through her website, which she feels provides her some control over their presentation.
Now, I had read this before but somehow at the time it didn't register with me; several months ago a friend called it to my attention and it stuck with me then. Two things I thought--1. dang, even though I'm now a big corporate sell-out I'm going to look like an even bigger hypocrite if I try to sell my work; and 2. no, I definitely don't make images for my private consumption (which is why for a long time I hardly made images at all). From where does this notion come that if you're not selling it you're not interested to share it? I've never been interested in making work for myself--if I did, well, no one would know, would they?
Also, and I guess this is point #3--I think this notion of control got misinterpreted (I didn't really intend this as a critique of the author, but once it's in print...). I can control my images because I can publish them, delete them, and share them anytime I want to via the web. I'm not naive enough to believe that I control what happens to them once they're out there; quite the opposite--I rather like relinquishing that aspect of it to chance and interest and whatever else might drive someone to deconstruct, alter, or further disseminate my photographs.
So back to the selling thing--what a difficult decision this is for me. I've still reached no conclusion, but I suspect this is my last chance to strike while the iron is even anywhere near the fire, so to speak, if I want to sell my work. It's one of those things, though, that I simply can't wrap my head around, that makes me feel tawdry and diminished just thinking about it. No matter what I would be participating in a marketplace that I find highly problematic. More so than buying gasoline? Than using FedEx (which gives lotsa $$ to Republicans)? At the same time, what am I holding onto? An idealistic notion I developed as an undergraduate that perhaps no longer serves me? A fear that I'll put myself out there only to discover that no one is interested? A desire to always go against the grain, what my mom calls "contrariness?" It's not as though I think less of artists who sell their work. It seems perfectly normal. But hundreds, thousands of dollars for pieces of paper? I just can't seem to get beyond the material value of the thing itself. The idea, it seems, is free.
Sigh. I think I've even blogged about this before. I've certainly written about it on this site somewhere. I am not a fast decision-maker and this one--well, it's vexing me.
Williams creates “mirrored” images in her work; she specializes in photographing nude self-portraits.While deliberately avoiding what she views as the capitalist, exploitative space of the gallery, Williams produces these intimate images for her own private consumption, although she shares her work occasionally and mostly through her website, which she feels provides her some control over their presentation.
Now, I had read this before but somehow at the time it didn't register with me; several months ago a friend called it to my attention and it stuck with me then. Two things I thought--1. dang, even though I'm now a big corporate sell-out I'm going to look like an even bigger hypocrite if I try to sell my work; and 2. no, I definitely don't make images for my private consumption (which is why for a long time I hardly made images at all). From where does this notion come that if you're not selling it you're not interested to share it? I've never been interested in making work for myself--if I did, well, no one would know, would they?
Also, and I guess this is point #3--I think this notion of control got misinterpreted (I didn't really intend this as a critique of the author, but once it's in print...). I can control my images because I can publish them, delete them, and share them anytime I want to via the web. I'm not naive enough to believe that I control what happens to them once they're out there; quite the opposite--I rather like relinquishing that aspect of it to chance and interest and whatever else might drive someone to deconstruct, alter, or further disseminate my photographs.
So back to the selling thing--what a difficult decision this is for me. I've still reached no conclusion, but I suspect this is my last chance to strike while the iron is even anywhere near the fire, so to speak, if I want to sell my work. It's one of those things, though, that I simply can't wrap my head around, that makes me feel tawdry and diminished just thinking about it. No matter what I would be participating in a marketplace that I find highly problematic. More so than buying gasoline? Than using FedEx (which gives lotsa $$ to Republicans)? At the same time, what am I holding onto? An idealistic notion I developed as an undergraduate that perhaps no longer serves me? A fear that I'll put myself out there only to discover that no one is interested? A desire to always go against the grain, what my mom calls "contrariness?" It's not as though I think less of artists who sell their work. It seems perfectly normal. But hundreds, thousands of dollars for pieces of paper? I just can't seem to get beyond the material value of the thing itself. The idea, it seems, is free.
Sigh. I think I've even blogged about this before. I've certainly written about it on this site somewhere. I am not a fast decision-maker and this one--well, it's vexing me.
posted by Carla at 3:32 PM
5 Comments:
you have written about this before, maybe in the online journal, and probably on this blog too. it's not an easy question, and it doesn't really matter how someone else writes about you. people say all kinds of ish about me and my work. no matter how fabulous someone else's intentions might be, what matters is how you define the terms and where this choice will fit in the bigger picture of your life. what and how you want your work to be out there and how you want to pay the bills are questions you have to answer within the confines of what we've got to work with in a society that rewards those who destroy the most. ideally, we could all be like hai binh and eric and others who really walk the walk in everything they do. that takes a lot. i think we have to choose where we can make the most difference and do the best we can. if you do decide to sell, you can also choose to whom, how, etc., in ways that feel right (or maybe good enough) to you.
maybe.
I couldn't agree with Adrienne more. At the end of the day, the only opinion that really matters is your own. I don't consider you a sell-out for having a day job or if you decide to sell your work. As Adrienne said, we make a difference where we can. Activism can take many forms. Your photographs shake up the dominant paradigm, in my opinion. If someone appreciates that and wants to buy something, how is that a bad thing?
The only things you can control in life are your actions and your reactions to other people and their actions.
Just know that whatever you decide, I'm in your corner. :)
Carla,
I have been visiting this site for years. I know you do not know me, I am responding from my heart and I hope you read this with the respect intended. I have a tremendous respect and admiration for your work and even for your...trepidation (my word, not yours and I am using it for a lack of something better). I love your work. There is something that speaks to me in ways that surprise me, which is why I read your blog and continue to look at your work.
I am also an artist, and although I am nowhere near your level I understand how you may be reluctant to release something that is yours. But, once I see it and interpret it, it becomes mine. It speaks to something in me that you could never know. That is the beauty of art. That is the beauty of what you do. The point of the work is offering it to those who may need a new perspective and a different point of view.
Having a job is not selling out. EVER. It is reality. It is honest. The only way it matters is if you attach some meaning to it that it should not carry. Be easy with yourself. Sometimes you have to step away from something in order to get a different view.
About this 'while the iron is hot' thing, art is timeless. There is no time limit to Gordon Parks' work, it does not lose something over time. It simply speaks, and those volumes are not diminished with time.
Please know that there are so many things you cannot control. I have always known that my voice is a gift from God, and I am supposed to share it. For a long time I doubted that and hid from it, but I had to understand that I was in the way of the work that I am meant to do. Some young woman needs to read something that I HAVE TO write, or needs to see something that I MUST PAINT, it is my job to get out of the way and pray that I am helping someone somewhere.
You have to be ok with your choices. Does it hurt you more to keep your work to yourself?
You know, the thing is, I don't feel like I'm keeping it to myself at all. Nope. It's out there. I want it to be out there. The only question is selling it. And it's a big maybe. But it's really helpful to hear everyone's opinions, especially folks I got mad respect for, as the kids say.
Regarding selling out--it isn't the day job, it's the corporate day job, you know? San Francisco is an expensive town. I'm now a tool.
storm_indigo: I loved getting to read your blog as well. Thanks for posting.
Carla,
I consider myself an artist but I am a police dispatcher. I no longer feel that i make a difference to people and don't feel it matters any more. I work with closed-minded, homophobes who most often mis-judge and pre-judge. It is a horrible atmosphere for a free spirit, and yes I cling to it because those things called "benefits" are like manna at the end of the day. Corporate or not, I just can't see knocking yourself for it. I am sure that the wheels are moving for you. Thinking about what else you can do. I wish you nothing but success, joy, and peace.
Thanks for the nod to my blog.
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